No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
