i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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