I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
