dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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