Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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