Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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