i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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