Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
