we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
