the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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