so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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