I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
