and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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