Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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