So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
