need another drink. this is the easiest way
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
