im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize