Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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