I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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