Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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