Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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