I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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