We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
