If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
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I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
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Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize