what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
