My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
