Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
