New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
