Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
