i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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