Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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