where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
