1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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