it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
