all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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