totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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