Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
