i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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