strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A+ Viking dick
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
