I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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