Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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