then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
