My liver just broke up with me...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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