Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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