Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
