Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
