You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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