i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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