My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
