my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
