Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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