Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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