I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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