i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
