if only i could text you this smell
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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